Coffee lovers take their coffee seriously but we love a bit of humor on the side. So if you love being punny as much as you love your morning coffee, we’re here to fuel you up with new reserves.
Wondering how to get your day off to a perk-y start? The answer: Drink coffee with a generous sprinkle of chuckles on top before you head off to the daily grind.
We’ve put together some coffee jokes you can work into the conversation. You can try them out on your co-workers, or make a hipster smile. We’ll even show you how you can make your own puns!
Ready to laugh a latte?
Funny coffee puns that will make you laugh a latte
Be funny
These one-liners are perfect for coffee drinkers who have no filter. We’ll take credit for the laughs (but you’re on your own with the eye-rolls).
- How do you order a decaf coffee with no milk? —Ask for a decaf cup of coffee that is de-calf-inated.
- Why did coffee call the cops? —It was mugged.
- Does Moses drink instant coffee? —No, Hebrews it.
- What do you call a day without coffee? —Depresso.
- What kind of coffee do birds drink? —Nestcafe.
- What did the employee tell his boss when Starbucks made him late to work? —“I got caught in traffic on the espresso-way.”
- When college students stay up late drinking coffee, but forget to study, are they procrastinating? —No. They are procaffeinating.
- What did the barista say to the customer who ordered a Venti Macchiato frappuccino with extra caramel syrup shots and double whip? —That’s a tall order.
Be encouraging
Some pleasant well-wishing never hurt. You might make someone’s day and give them a chuckle. Try one of these friendly phrases:
- Java a nice day.
- Better latte than never.
- It’s a brew-tiful day in the neighborhood.
- May the froth be with you.
- I’m so frappe to see you!
Be romantic (but not too serious)
You can be sweet (and a little punny) with the following phrases:
- We make the perfect blend.
- Where’ve you bean all my life?
- You are cool beans.
- You are cooler than coffee beans.
- Matcha doing for the rest of your life?
- You perk me up.
- You’re so brew-tiful.
- I love you a latte.
- Words can not espresso how much you mean to me.
- You’re my kind of coffee and my cup of tea.
Write your own coffee puns and express-o yourself!
While you are free to use any of our coffee jokes, you may enjoy creating some puns on your own. (Kieran seems to only say puns on his Scottish History Podcast)
Here is a cheat sheet of common coffee terms, what they mean, and how you can use these words to make puns.
Mocha
We know and love the mocha as a bittersweet chocolate drink. Instead of using the word making, switch it out for mocha, instead. You have an instant coffee pun!
Ex: You are mocha me laugh!
Or you can put a Ricky Martin twist on it and use mocha instead of loca.
Ex: I’m just living la Vida Mocha.
Latte
A latte is an espresso-based drink, with steamed milk, and a small foam layer on top. This drink is a latte like a cappuccino, but it has less foam and more milk. (See what we did there?) You can use the word latte to mean either lot, late, or let it.
Ex: I just like you a whole latte.
I have a latte problems, but coffee isn’t one of them.
As the Beatles would say just latte be.
Java
The term java is often used for coffee. But why? When coffee started to become the new hot drink (back in the 1800s), the Indonesian island known as Java was one of the biggest producers of this tasty bean. So the word java became synonymous with a cup of coffee. The island, Java, is still in the coffee game and is currently a major producer of monkey poop coffee. Use java like ‘have a’ in a pun.
Ex: Can I java word with you over coffee?
Espresso
According to the Specialty Coffee Association of America, only shots made with 9 bars or more of pressure are authentic espressos. Espresso is used as a base for many specialty drinks in the U.S., but in many countries in Europe espresso is the main type of coffee being served. This drink is rich in flavor and comes with some foamy crema on top. You can use espresso instead of express in puns.
Ex: I just need to espresso my feelings about French press coffee.
I espresso-ly asked for a cup of coffee, not a cup of tea.
Affogato
The word affogato in Italian translates literally to drowned. (Ok, that’s not very funny.) In the coffee world, though, this just means an ice cream or Italian gelato covered in espresso. You can often find this winning combo at local coffee shops. Or, if you’re at Starbucks, you can ask for an extra espresso shot to be poured over your favorite frappuccino.
When it comes to puns, use affogato in place of ‘I forgot.’
Ex: Affogatto it was your birthday; can I buy you a cup of joe to make it up to you?
Frappe
A frappe is a tasty drink that is blended with ice like a milkshake. However, this drink is usually made with coffee which makes it even better! Most frappes live it up a bit and include whipped cream, syrups, and other mouth-watering toppings. At Starbucks, you probably know this drink better under the name Frappuccino. In puns, you can use frappe as happy… or another way.
Ex: Don’t worry be frappe.
I don’t give a frappe.
Brew
Ok, this coffee term is pretty straightforward. However, there are a whole latte ways to brew coffee. Maybe you like to use a pour-over method, a percolator, Moka pot, French press, espresso maker, and the list goes on. You can even brew coffee in milk! To make a coffee pun, use brew as a syllable in the word beauty or beautiful.
Ex: Brew-ty is in the eye of the beholder.
You’re so brew-tiful.
Or try it out instead of deja vu.
Wow, this Pumpkin Spiced Latte tastes just like a drink I had last fall. What Deja brew!
We’ve armed you with random coffee facts and our best coffee puns. Now it’s your turn to craft some jokes to give fellow coffee lovers a laugh. Go ahead, hit me with your best shot!
All jokes aside
When it comes to jokes, we are just a couple of average guys who love a good laugh. But, when it comes to coffee, we like it Above Average.
Are you searching for how to make your coffee better? Trying to decide what is the best coffee maker to buy? Want to learn cool coffee facts to impress your friends? We’re here to help!
Go to our homepage, join our newsletter, and become a part of our coffee club. We’ll send out regular updates to answer your questions (and we’ll laugh at your jokes!)
FAQs
What is French press bloom?
Before you brew your French Press coffee, it is a good idea to bloom it. This releases CO2 from the beans and allows the grounds to absorb water. Blooming gives you a better extraction and results in a more flavorful pot of coffee. A french press should bloom for about 30 seconds of the 4-minute brewing process. Or, instead of waiting for your coffee to bloom, you can stir the grounds as your French Press brews.
What is Monkey Poop Coffee?
Monkey poop coffee sounds like a joke, but it’s a real deal. It is made from coffee beans which process through the stomach of an Asian palm civet. (Yes, these coffee beans are harvested from poop!) The civet is native to the Indonesian islands Sumatra and Java and other places in Asia. Monkey poop coffee is a high-dollar item. Just one cup of coffee can sell for as much as $100.
Is a flat white the same thing as a latte?
A Flat White and Latte are both made with espresso and milk. However, the way the milk is steamed is slightly different. A Latte uses steamed milk and a 5mm thick layer of frothed milk. The Flat White also uses steamed milk but, instead of froth, this drink is topped off with a thin, microfoam milk layer. This microfoam gives the flat white a smooth, velvety texture.
